toast by tha

And when your heart burns into flames

2008-04-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

I don't really like people ask me what kind of music I listen to, mainly it's because:
1 - it's frigtening how my mind blocks when someone's curious about my taste
2 - i can't always pronounce the band names properly, it's either too long or it's in weird words: beirut becomes beïroute
3 - i don't like watching their face expressions when they've never heard of the bands or even think it sounds too aggresive.

Anyway I've been listening to alot of The Dresden Dolls lately. I wonder why honestly... because it does catch me off-guard. I notice myself very obscurely when things I'm doing are being carried on, like when I stutter a lot and have a horrible accent, I think, and others start laughing asses off. + thursday I got my monthly discontent mood, but my brain seems to ignore last month's ended just two weeks ago. Pis j'ai pas de médecin à montréal. Frankly, I don't want to pretend like I'm desperate for the weeks to come cover on me.

Illustrationmundo!

2008-04-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

Lados Magazine

The New York Times

Madrid's portrait // Calle20

Mortgage as a factor of social exclusion / Injuve

Battered woman // Yo dona!

"Yue Laan celebration" chinese ghost festival // Viajar

Maiden's name

2008-04-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

When I asked you whether you were capable of being loved, I was really asking you whether you were capable of receiving my love. You told me yes, and now I know, for sure, the answer. You were wrong. You didn’t let me love you. You have from the beginning shunned that ideal – the selfless, patient, heroic love – the type of love that had her waiting for you on the side carrying your things as you thought up of ways to regain my favour. I pitied her then, her blindness. I saw your art and I desensitised – I wrapped a thick coat of forced indifference around myself and avoided your traps. But you were too clever, or I was too weak-willed. When you call and I am secretly wanting to hang up, secretly hating you on the other side, I become impatient and reckless. This causes me to sound light-hearted and animated. I’m aware I don’t give you space to talk as I ramble on about nothing and I don’t care – because I don’t want you to speak. Because anything that comes out of your mouth is an allusion to her, and I’m at a place now where I panic at the slightest hint things may go back to a time where I withstood you talking about her and thinking about her and dreaming about her, and telling me all this like a child excited about her new precious discoveries. You wrapped yourself up in your thinly disguised preoccupations and quieted after each unseen stumble, punishing me by withdrawing, by demanding seclusion. I accepted attention in the form of my occupation as your doormat. You measured my love by my willingness to be tread upon.

Once, I would have mourned the end by glorifying the fact that I would’ve given you everything. But the truth is, the opportunity for me to do so never faciliated. There comes a time after the hysteria and dull grappling and morphed romanticism where some practicality must be exercised. What is real, what is bullshit. What we take for ourselves, what we leave behind. I’m taking the still-evolving lesson, but I am removing you from adding to it.

---------------------------------
photographicas
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Switch off the light

2008-03-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

Right now I am beginning to remember loving you with such sickening strength that it dazed me. When I speak of this concept, this love, I know I am colouring it with the shadow of all I am more capable of giving, of grasping; fear, scars, insecurity, doubt. I carry you in me with the splintering elasticity of distance. You form the lumen. I am floored. I am good at feeling it right here, in the cavity of my unspoken half breaths, half baked thoughts, tremours. Enunciate the words: your taste, your touch, God, what did I know, what did I fucking know then of the meaning behind piecemeal confrontations, pressing to walls, stares commanding connection. Watching like a voyeur kept behind the curtains. What did I know of every wall, every corner, every space. Every corridor, every room. What did I know of the space between two people in love. To cut across, to stretch, to cling. To write furiously with hot tears, with meek prayer, with fumbling justifications. Everybody needs, what does it all mean. Lengthen time through a transparent tube and view from the outside in. Love is having too many words and having them taken away by the simple magnitude of what it simply comes down to. You are undeserving of this.

Will unfulfilled promises be my future ammunition. I want to write in the smallest of fonts, say in the tiniest of whispers, are you mine. Make this real.

Dreadfully...

2008-03-19T22:06:00.000-07:00

You know yourself best of always wanting to get what you can't possibly have, but when somethings flow towards you, appreciation was not taken and then you start to lose hold of it and striving to get it back into your arms very desperately but it all ends up becoming this fucking horrendous cycle of selfish desire. This feeling is so evil in your eyes that it sets out to kill people. And I can tell my life epitomizes this awful feeling.

2008-03-10T15:40:00.000-07:00

1. These hot people with pretty clothes in London
2. Malaysia does not have people like this existing
3. No one dares to make a [nice] fashion statement, not a crime
4. Argh give me London, I need them.

I am fading.

2008-03-07T18:12:00.000-08:00

1 month of total abscence cost a whole lot of riot at the back scene. Sshhhh how fucking wreckhearted.

x x x

My mouth cannot produce sound, it's the static waves you sensed me to cast off my voice. I don't know what to say here anymore, we might as well just make the ending a better one, so that you don't have to wait impatiently. For the past month or so I've been cracking up on indie-rock musics, not to say that hardcore heavy metal is no longer the drug of my addiction... Maybe it's because of a certain someone's strong influences that made me swift towards it a little bit. Oh, and I saw it from "Junk" mag that Bleeding Through is coming to Malaysia for some small concert in Ruums Club, how marvelous! And of course Incubus is going to rock at Bukit Kiara Equastrian Club.

x x x

I've taken a few long weeks of hiatus and I'll make it more to come, so don't feel dreaded, I promise to return as soon as the feeling flows in me again.

2008-02-23T13:54:00.000-08:00

As I drove up, I quickly realized it was the infant section of the cemetery.

I'm always there to be fucking hanging on.

2008-02-18T16:31:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna blog much about today, i'll just elaborate a little from here and there.

This is probably the latest wish you've receive, but I seriously hope everyone had a great Chinese New Year celebration with your family and friends. Cause I didn't really had a fantastic one myself. Right now, my body's refusing to move. I'm tired, provoked and of course lazy. I can't think straight, and I know this does not feel right. But to think in an odd way, i'm surviving. Pleasant enough for me to get through these neck-strangling days. Next week will have extra pressure on, school tests are going on and I've not touch on any book shit.

I'm desperately searching for a fucking bright face to make me whole because, honestly, this doesn't seem to be getting any improvements. I wish to death how I could just rewrite them all, and better to pretend I don't know anything at all for one moment. This is not equitable, at all. And others can even distinguish that i'm stupid enough to keep on giving in and in all the time. Over and over again. But still, I'm fine. Cause I can choose to be apathy when I continue striving, moving and smiling like your motherfucking crack whore who does not know when to stop feeling for you.

EDIT //

15 more days to go while I sit at home letting the jealousy monster overtake me. I'm on my bed, constantly telling myself that I might have a chance to be in Perth for the Soundwave Festival. I'm dying to go there so much more than ever. Shawn is eagerly hoping to be seen there. but I, can never have this opportunity to satisfy myself. However brief.

She's the murderotica.

2008-02-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

"Murderotica : An Avalanche In D Minor" by Norma Jean

Our knives say "we're making way for this, the ending."

Stay back, turmoil is across-the-board.

It is making way for... a gaping tear is opening.

This, this is our last broadcast.

We're wrecklessly looking for the truth,

And we'll tear this place apart.

There's hope for us yet.

Hope is there.

Oh god, I'm getting pathetic.

Railway track.

2008-02-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

I have been writing like a mad woman. Your humility weakens me. It gives me a reason to love you, and i needn't another person. I wish to forget. I have carefully constructed the master plan to regain control, and your proposals of repentance are a distraction. I won't let you panic me, i won't let you draw my breath from my body like this. There is nothing more self-destructive than wasting so much time when it all matters. I've been dreading you. I have been afraid of you, building myself up by laughing at the illusion you no longer have any power over me. Your transitions never last. You will do almost anything to relieve yourself of your phobia of loneliness. The ultimate manifestation of what love you have for anyone would be to face being deservedly alone. I have been drinking water from glass bottles, peeling the skin from underneath my nails. I have been disrespecting that elusive concept of my future. I have been throwing away opportunities to consolidate on progress, I have been implanted in the short term, I have been watching shitty daytime soaps and looking into the mirror too much and thinking of disconnecting the phone, in case. In case you call. But i know you won't, and i'm depressed.

Falling backwards.

2008-02-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

How odd. You and I once loved each other,
you & her love each other,
she & him loved each other.
It's like,
we're sharing the same drink,
only this particular drink is our virginity,
our very first loves, our dearly billowed, fragmented
loveaches and bruises.

It's like we've shared drinks
only to seek what we have common transmitted diseases.
Lesions on our hearts.

Drawing squares with a compass.

2008-02-01T17:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not interested in happiness if it gets taken away from you the very next second. That's the meaning to why i've resolved to not turn back time with you. Even in the moments which strung together every single day, entirely unremarkable intervals of time, i felt an intrinsic tragedy, an underlying sadness to the fact that, inevitably, we would be soon facing a demise. After all the sweet nothings have been exchanged, after all the imprints have been dug deep beneath that place where suffocation and permanence go hand in hand... you never promised me anything but you still left me feeling like you stole something precious from me, or you set out to fulfill a task which you eventually gave up seeing till the very end. You might have the ever best intentions but there is grey cloudiness in you, some sense of a total abscence of control. As if your actions are strictly programmed each step of path leading to your undoing.

You are devoid of any belief this compulsion can be fought against. You seem powerless to rewrite a fate you have seemingly surrendered to. Love should empower you to venture where you haven't before, to dare to push yourself to be the cumulative product of all your great aspects. But everything i offered is never enough for you to sustain any lasting faith in necessary reform, in the potential of an unwavering mutuality, in the notion that we can be free, that we can keep it simple, keep it alive, and not have the universe collapse inward as a punishment for feeling happy, however brief.

Dream when cessation of heartbeat.

2008-02-01T16:10:00.000-08:00

I think i ought to give a message to people who reads my blog. The junk computer of mine has been brought for some repairs. Yeah it means i won't be blogging for a pretty long time, and school tests are rushing upon me, so does that explains clearly of my absence all these while? Though i know no one ever visits my blog. Hah, what the fuck. I'm just plain bored with this internet thing.

I don't like going to school very much. \:

Vagabond.

2008-01-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

Lately, i've been particularly intrigued by the angsty of surroundings. I know how uncharacteristically gawky that can sound but the irritant feelings for it has turn into a beast. I cannot believe my own senses or intuitions now, everything has become so faraway from me. All along through these 16 years of woeful planet roaming, do i double-take a breath of air from this earth. The urge of being all alone suddenly hits my mind. I hated many things that i won't say out, but there is something i can proudly tell. I hate this blog, it gives me the wrecking in my bones and soon i'll dump it away. The whole fast-paced school life has shrouded me with little things to big matters, it has been only three weeks, and now i want to give up..

Aesthetic scene.

2008-01-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

2008 :(

So before I say an official goodbye to another sufficing year, I think I'd list down a couple of resolutions in my diary and maybe whatever greatness I've achieved... somehow in the midst of little catastrophes and other profane acts. But I highly regretted on certain things that i've done and eventually wrote them down, despite of the horror of it all. Oh yes another thing I'm very proud of, about quitting being a fag. Even though I'll be still fantasizing the last moments of puffing away but wishing for it to be repeated again. Sheeesh.

And now a doomed, cryptic, rambling life of vagabond is living.

I'm the nightmare that invades your sleep.

2007-12-31T22:03:00.000-08:00

New years festivities are looming closer. It's sort of like an impending doom or I say it as a dreaded thunderstorm. All this negativity because I am utterly frustrated as that I have to spend those wonderful times at home or you say, alone. Sheeesh. Except for the millenium year of 2000, but what can we say that I was only 9 years old at then. Stay home sessions are meaningless and time guzzling, dining out are an overrated cliche... I could just label myself as a loser. I'm at such a fucking loss! It's already 9 thirty here now and it has not only be mind-boggling and erupting of anger and boredom stricken (this kind of sounds like some menu description of chocolate fondue) but I need something terrific, surpassing those previous years of life, exceeding any damned event even for my birthday in my entire 16 years of fucking earthly existence. Nothing has really over-shine my dullest or sharpen my blunt. I want those unforgettable, indelible memory that will remain etched, like a carving on a rock, in my little thumping heart till infinity and beyond and ever after. God, I'm so desperate I even tried so many times on checking who's available to fetch me there for just once.. ugh!

"I'm dead here because everyone abandoned me so fire away bitches!"

I stay fresh to death.

2007-12-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

I never knew that I had the emotional wreck genome in my Dna. I swear I despite it. I wish I had the capacity to go back to how I used to lead my life. Putting aside those shitty crappy things that has stuck on to me while I grew up. The days now are cold hard as steel was my comfort zone and the metallic taste of pristine concentrated crimson blood on my cracked rouge lips did not daunt me. shedding rows of saline tears seemed to me like a far-fetched notion, one that was perfectly and eternally unaccomplishable. And now I have degenerated into this huge self pitying, life-questioning beautiful mess that is breaking my skin. I can just burst out crying for no specific rhyme or any reason, and I constantly feel some sort of emptiness sinking deeper and deeper within the hollows of my frame. I used to pride myself up by being wholly independent. Yet, these I've got nothing to cling on to as my oxygen providing mask essential to my survival. I'm afraid I'll be falling off the cliff anytime now without anybody's knowledge. I've never understand what some people meant by the expression are changing day by day. It is, isn't it? Do you agree this with me? How mind whirling it is to realize that a certain someone can easily turn you upside down and inside out? I've always perceived myself to be diametrically different from others. I imagine and take myself as a strong tough sturdy character that would take anything akin to the severity death to manipulate or mould. I seriously hate being treated like a laundry, where you can just leave me to washed out and clean dry. That is probably my greatest flaw. When I do something, I tend to veer to the extremes. I breach all the limits and partake in things wholeheartedly. I cannot draw lines. I don't like severe pain. Maybe this to me, is just a quarter life crisis. I hope not. I actually intend to live past 60. Or maybe my friends has compelled me to grow up with maturity, enlightening me with the basic human instincts of feeling all along the long road of life. The Tyrones should never have been blamed for resorting to evasion and escapism. To put every shit I mentioned bluntly, I'm fucked up.

Two.

2007-12-26T14:54:00.000-08:00

I follow the gray footprints in your eyes
and explore your viscera
with each nervein my tongue.
I tickle you from the inside
as I pass airways & bloodways, speeding up.

My tastebuds tear, ripped by your roughness.
It's a one-way street with too many stoplights.
The brake is broken, Where are the headlights?
Who is the driver? I've passed out in the backseat.

And the light hasn't changed in hours,
in days, give me a sign, a signal, let me go,
spit me out, but release me from this endless red bath,
then turn my vision green.

Music on. World off.

2007-12-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

I barely update this shit anymore. It's because I don't have the time. (and lazy too!) Whatever it is, just stay with me, please.

I can feel the dead aura. Everywhere on my blog.

:( I'm starting to feel kinda sick of Blogger, but I just don't want to shift again. Cause I don't know whether I would even wish to continue blogging. Sheeeesh, this is making me horribly sick. Oh well, maybe I won't just snap it and shut this blog down, I prefer to let the deadly aura linger here for you until I've made up my mind. I predict it will take a long bitter time.

I'm currently hands on with Twilight. The novel by Stephanie Meyer. I would say it's one of the best romance book I've ever read. The main character has a pretty face, haha. Edward Cullen. Anytime, any place.

On the other hand, August Burns Red is my ear blasts right now. They're so good. I love how their musics rocks my heart. Here's one taken from ABR's 2004 record, Looks Fragile After All. It's song name - Background Music To Her Awakening.

Then all silence is removed from the last room with the cord ripped from the phone.
She stays asleep.
She remains asleep.
Why won’t she wake?
In the background I can hear the trumpets sing their song so powerful, so elegant.
This is what scares me the most.
If I can’t have her, who is there to carry her love across oceans?
She used to remind me that all is not lost,
as long as what you failed doing was something worth more than just your arrogant pride.
This is true my girl.
This is true.
I will always keep that in my mind, to open it.
To be reborn is to define the intent of finding bliss in tragedy.
I’m in your debt.

One.

2007-12-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

I went over to Mid Valley to watch Enchanted. I don't really like that place so much now. Maybe cause I've been there a zillion times already and it's boring enough to me. But the week before was rather fine. Spent most of my time with Melissa and Jin. At first I thought following my mom there wasn't a good idea but it turned out pretty well. It's not that bad after all. I enjoyed my whole day with them. Didn't exactly bumped into anybody I know. :(

I admit actually I right clicked and save this photos from Mellie's blog. Haha. How unphotogenic we are. That's why no faces shown works better.

Enchanted was not very enchanting. Honestly, that's what I think. But it seems very popular among movie fans. Anyway I just don't agree that everyone is saying the movie was so fascinating and yadayada.

Omg. :O Why am I talking about the fucking past stories. Meh. :/ I have to say something. Something that's disturbing my mind so badly. I hate my school. Damnit. I don't know why mostly all government schools must have a few gangs of lalas. They just spoil the reputation of one's school don't you think so. But they aren't just those ordinary lalas. They're fucked up emo wannabe fugly lalas. WOAH IMAGINE THAT. Imagine their eyeliners are thicker than your skin. But sadly, they failed. Tsk tsk. How pathetic they can be to even wear and act like some fucking senseless sucker. It seemed like they were sent from Satan and, they make Marilyn Manson look like God. :}

Tonnes tonnes of lalas. Pffft. I give up. I don't know what hell of a school is this anymore.
God, I hate them.

I own my heavy heart.

2007-12-07T18:13:00.000-08:00

I have many things to tell you but I just don't know how to spill them all out to you. It's difficult when I see you everything just vanishes off my mind. Days are getting sicker and colder for me. Why oh why does it have to happen like this way? Aren't there any better paths to get out from this maze? I see everyone being so supportive. But all I need is just your comfort and support more than ever. But when would that day arrive? I'll just sit here and wait till the song ends.

I miss you dearly, my friend. :( I hope the bad days will end very soon for you. And to see a bright shiny sun peeping out from your heart.

Drunk on the roof and yelling at god.

2007-11-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

I've never find myself feeling so depressed like this before. It's definitely not pretty but I guess it's a good kind of pain. I really miss my childhood time that I don't have to make right or even wrong decisions and to be responsible for it.

I'm pressing the hiatus button for a few days and yeah, most probably be back after a time of healing for my fucking heart. I have not an idea how to express those feelings out. So I might as well keep all the shitty crappy things that's hurting so much deep down inside, and let the pain sink in without anyone knowing it.

Words hurt the most.

2007-11-13T15:50:00.000-08:00

It's stupid to create another blogger shit just to come over so frequently to view my blog and don't act like you didn't do anything. Cause I just know it. You don't have to speak now, cause actions speak louder than words, babe. I thought you were nice after all. I never expect anything from you because I treat you as a friend, I gave in. But did you actually appreciated it? Fuck no. Don't you dare try to bart into my life I warn you. You do things so pretentiously good but to be straight forward with your attitude, it was all a rotten piece of whore at the back of you. Go fuck your fantasy boy and leave me alone. I'll fix my life all by myself.

I'm starting to feel so bored of blogging. It's annoying, I know. Anyway, holiday's been bloody shitty. I need a shift outta this place. Ugh. Hell hole, yo. I was all along longing for this year end holidays but uh yeah. Lifeless. I might hit the hiatus button for a while and all. Besides, there's nothing to talk about nowadays. I gotta start planning for 2008. Smile, bitches.

My American Heart.

2007-11-09T19:17:00.000-08:00

I've got a song for you. It's from My American Heart. I don't know why I'm currently listening to their songs in the The Meaning Of Make-Up album. Finally, I find them pretty hardcore.

Listen to this song that is found in their oldest album, "The Ruins We Hold".

I'm not sure if we're wrong or right
Tell me do you know ?
We've been cheated
lied to
and beaten
to the ruins that we hold
our hands together
A hand full of empty answers
Too many expectations
Another fall from second chances
But who am I to ask for this?
I've lost years of dreams
and started notions
Ask for this
I'll be your ignition
Turn me on
Here's to sad nights
Here's to long fights
Here's to everything that made you right
It makes you right

Bullshit posts are annoying.

2007-11-09T18:54:00.000-08:00

I can't be bothered to blog anymore. I like to spend my days without letting anyone know. Or maybe I'm just lazy and being a fucked up person. I guess that's why I've lost my blogging mojo.

Anyway, my class's farewell party was cancelled for last Friday. :/ I missed the whole clique of gaming friends from Yip Hoong to Kai Teen. I really had alot of fun spending time with them. :) I have loads to tell but I don't have the mood to tell now.

So I'm just gonna leave all that with words.

I really should quit with this bad bad bad habit of mine. Mom has been telling me to stop it from day one but seriously, I've not changed. She seems cool about it but I feel bad cause I know deep down in her heart, I've disappointed her. I mean I would be disappointed if I was in her shoes. You get what I mean?

Arghhhhhhhhh, blooody insomniac is killing me. :(

Nowadays I couldn't really sleep cause there's this feeling that I just can't go to sleep. I need loads of sleep. I don't want to have stupid eye bags. And I don't want to be feeding on sleeping pills. Aww what am I suppose to do?

You know I'm not going to school anymore until the day of next year when school reopens again, and then I'll start my form 5. It's just none of a point for me to sit in school like a stoner. Classes bores the shit outta me on usual schooling days, what more compared to the weekdays that I think no one will be coming already? I'd rather go milk a cow than sitting in class(I guess all alone?) Pffft. :(

Bah, I find this post as a whole bunch of bullshit. Whatfucking ever, who even cares?

[/edit]

Check this out, really cute huh? Haha. Yeah If you're a supportive fan of The Used, their 2007 album Lies For The Liars has this guy on their CD cover. So tell me it's awesome. (;

But you look so beautiful tonight.

2007-11-05T16:29:00.000-08:00

Went out to Pavillion with family last Saturday. I intended to blog about it that night but yeah you know me, haha I'm lazy to do it. It was too awesome I would say, because It never looked so good. I mean, It really attracted me for gods sake. Whereas The Gardens is only not too bad, It should be more interesting.

It's only 4 in the afternoon man. Life is in extreme dullness. But I finally got a chance to talk to Shawn on msn. Eeeesh, that bastard's going to Perth next year for Madina Lake's concert. :( I have the urge to tag along him and go to gigs with super high moods.

My day went by okay for today. I'm home alone again like what I've expected for a Sunday. This time I'm blasting on Bless The Fall's music, but it's awful that It triggers me to miss someone.

Rules
1. The tagged victim have to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time.There is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, most importantly, have fun doing it.

---

8 Things About My Perfect Lover.

1. A great big heart.
Yeah, I like a boy who can be really nice to me and of course, others too. He's got to be open-minded and to get along with me as well.

2. Makes me happy.
I like a guy who has a sense of humour. He can just make me laugh, sometimes even without trying. Don't you think it'd be cute? But at times, he doesn't have to put up a hell load of jokes to make me happy, just by staying with me or keep me close could actually make me happy enough already.

3. Love me for me.
Like duh, he has to love me for who I really am. Not depend on what I dress, do or look like.

4. Fit in every ways.
A guy who plays sports. It's a good feeling that he's keeping himself healthy, knows how to take care of himself.

5. Set time well.
He must know how to plan his time out properly. With friends, family, studies, sports and so on.

6. Trust and honesty.
He has got to be trustworthy, and in return to believe in me either. Not being a paranoid son of a bitch or anything. To be honest with me instead of fooling around like he thinks I'm stupid. Guys who just say 'I love you' to a girl without thinking twice and doesn't really mean it are pathetic. C'mon, be a man instead of a kiddo.

7. Bad boy in a good boy's body.
Uh huh, the attitude. He has got to control his tempere whenever and wherever. And also how he flirts with girls. I don't mean to say it's a complete NO NO but just that it has to have a limit set. A bad boy in a good boy's body is just a damn turn on for me. If you get what I mean. :D

8. Smells like tommy boy.
Mhmmm I loveeeeeeeee a boy who smells very good. It makes him feel so yummy.

Okay now, I tag you. Yeah you. Whoever wants to do this tag can just answer it in your blog as you wish. I don't like specifying who and who to do so.

My bestfriend and I kinda have the same thing for guys so yeah, we can somehow share boyfriends someday. But one thing I know is my bestfriend loves me more than she'll ever love her boyfriend. You know you love me, pui yean. Admit it!

2007-11-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

So count your fucking blessings, because I'm counting your every single lie.

Right now, I'm addicted to The Used. I seriously need to get their new album, Lies For The Liars. :D But the problem is, their new albums are always sold out or maybe no stock, never I had got a chance to grab on time, whatever crap. I'll just try getting it sooner or later.

Anyway I just realized that I seldom blog already. It's really not my fault actually, I feel so lazy and there are many other things to do. Next week will be the school end holidays. Woooohoooo. I'm finally free from going to school like it's a burden to me. Watched a little of Grey's Anatomy, I think it was such a big letdown. I'm not sure really but it didn't leave me in suspense or anything, I just wanted to end the show as soon as I can. It just felt like a super uninteresting tv series.

I've been thinking of surface piercings lately, since oral piercings are quite dangerous that they can damage the gums and teeth and blablablabla. I hope to get one soon. Prolly when I go out with Tee Liang or so. He has been dissapearing for weeks man, where the hell did that ass go?

i'm searching again pictures
that i have to reminiscence in the first place
and it's burning hot in my apartment
as i'm changing all the colors in my life
from the fadest gray to the brightest red.

I feel like a brand new person. I have the flames in my heart. I wonder why are you still lingering in my head. Causing the chills again in my bones. I wanna get you out from there so badly. But I failed to do so.

I want you to know how I feel for you. But you just cut me off like a guillotine. Leaving me all alone in this agony scene. :/

What's a good way to cure a broken heart?

2007-11-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

What's a good way to cure a broken heart?

Mhmmm, what a question! To be honest I don't know. But I believe that the cure to a broken heart is the person who broke it into pieces. Sometimes I think there's not even a cure. So we just have to learn how to deal with it and eventually let time heal everything that's hurting so much inside you. I know it's easier said than done, yes I understand. But there's nothing much we can do about it, can we?

I bought my heart at a thrift store.

2007-10-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's the last day for stupid exams and I can finally get the string off my neck from suffocating. If you know me well I'm actually lazy(stone alot!) so tests are like enemies. But I failed to fight them off. It's just spreading more and more all over my cells. Argh I hate I hate.

Did I mentioned that my Sundays are boring? Yep so I'm telling you now. After church then switch on the square shaped screen and hell yeah the internet man. What the hell is life like this. :/

Well whatever, it's not like I am able to do the things I wish to with a remote control channel up and channel down. You feel me right. I'm out of words baby, I might as well stop here and blog again on another gloomy day. S

See my fucking face with the retarded smile, it's just all a fake one because of you.

2007-10-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

Do you know that all the angels are beside you? Even mine has went over to your side to protect you. So can you feel how cold, cryptic and utterly bitter am I?

Don't act like you know me.

2007-10-17T16:20:00.000-07:00

Old photos

I Don't Know Anything About Myself. And I've Become Quite Comfortable With That Fact.

My life's a disaster. Don't come near me.

2007-10-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

You know I'm listening to "She Came Home For Christmas" by Mew. I think this video's really sad. If you're a soft touch I bet you'll cry out. So if you're bored or anything just go listen it. Pretty good if I have to say.

My friends are claiming that my blog looks dull and saddening, although the layout has changed to a brighter, sweeter color. And they say a-no-picture-blog-makes-the-whole-page-ruined. Do you really think so? But I don't exactly have the same opinion with my friends. I like to read blogs which contain many of thoughts and memories written all over. Yeah I know a blog filled with beautiful seductive pictures are nice to read but I just don't prefer. Maybe we just have different ways of judging some things.

I remembered everything. And I will carry along together with me as long as I'm still alive. Kaiwei ma best dude yo! (: Keep that cool attitude bimbo. It suits perfectly on you, haahahaaa.

I have this rushing feeling over my head passing through my veins absorbed into my cells and breaking out from my heart. This thought was formed to make you feel smitten, with my sad picture of a girl healing from a heartache. Are you able to extract me from my plastic fantasy wonderland? I doubt so but I'm still convincible if you have the persuasion.

Will you ever persist even after I bet you a better lover that I'll never love you again and will you continue life even after we meet for the last time? Are you going to keep on trying to prove it?

Hiatus for finals.

2007-10-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

HIATUS, pretty people. Please. No, I'm not yet done with blogging and especially this blog.

I'm just too busy to update daily my shits from today. School's year end exams are now on. I'll be right back after my finals, which is two weeks later. Argh bloody hell. I appreciate all of your kind and caring comments and I'll reply you as soon as I can. Okay I've finish my away post. Be alarmed for this bitches and bastards. Don't ask me why I'm not updating and all again alright.

It's been raining worse than cats and dogs lately. I hope I can be strong for the whole October month before letting me fall sick thanks.
Goodbye loves. :]

Lie to me, beautiful.

2007-10-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

Fuckit. Another layout please. Well, what the fuck ever who cares. I like what I've done. It's just a random inspiration of mine which I can't ressist to change change change! Haha shut up.

An awesome screamo song from Saosin. Oh, I forgot to tell you something. Msn talked to Sean from Singapore last saturday I think? He's so fucken lucky okay. He and his friend got to fly over to Australia, Perth for Saosin's gig. :O And got the chance to met up with them in the band's so call tour bus. Some more! Saosin stopped by Singapore for like a while only he still got to meet them. That's lucky enough but more more, Saosin even requested Sean and his friend to be in their guest list for the tour concert!
Phwwwwoooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Whathefuck yo! INSANITY INSANITY INSANITY.

Everything i love you is a whirlwind in your mind.

2007-10-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

What I'm listening to right now, "Lovesong" by The Cure. When someday I found my true love, I swear I'll grab tight to it and would never let go.

How would you feel when you're being trampled over and treated like crap when you're trying to give the best for that person? It's okay if he ignore's you, but worse is he starts to shit talk about you. I'm fucking upset in myself, I think I've gave in too much.

Am I being overly nice or what? I'm so pathetic. Why do you have to do this to me? I can't take it any longer. I'm dying for better answers. You can call me a confounded fool. I don't get any appreciative for a minute. I'm so regretful for myself.

Okay, maybe I'm just asking for the wrong answers all along.

I knew that I won't get a reasonable answer from you. I even hope that this has never happen. But you know, It's odd how at one time you're feeling close to this certain someone and the next hour's like you've never knew him at all. Feeling so dismayed.

I hate it when that dilemma falls on me. I don't want to be a perplexed victim. I truly fucking hate it. I don't think anyone in this world would understand what I'm going through now. It's more than I can take. I'm suffocating from all of the consequences I'm gonna face. I admit, I'm feeling damn afraid of everything in life.

And to tell you the last truth, my heart is screaming I missed you.

Underoath fucking rock my heart out!

2007-10-03T17:21:00.000-07:00

Currently addicted to Underoath's. All of their songs are just so hardcore. Woooooooh! It's like my healing pills,seriously! But maybe to most of you are provoking. Nevermind. I understand that. Mhmmm. (:
I'm gonna post this song up just for the pleasure of some certain people who likes metalcore songs like me. So If you hate listening to it, don't click the play button! I'm warning you, or you'll get your ears blast off.
HA HA HA.

And happy sixteenth Peiyi. I love you much.
P.s Sorry that I can't make it to your surprise party. I hope you had a great one this year with everyone who loves and cares for you. I've asked Chiauhwa to pass on my hugs and kisses to you, did she? Haha. xoxxo

The crazy emo fuck.

2007-10-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

"Fuck samantha. You should be mugging hard. And why are you online?"
"Well, I just don't have the mood to study."
Meh, Boo you Hendrick. :p

Happy birthday Julia.

2007-10-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Julia.

I'm sorry enough to wish you so late darling. Hope you had a nice one with Aaron for your sixteenth. I love you. Loveeees.

I'm a slow motion accident.

2007-10-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Hello love. Do you like my so call layout? It's the easiest to make. I don't need a stunning background nor any fantastic blogskin, what I only use was color mixing. (: I bet you'll say it's pretty. Grey and more grey. The color in my world is grey. Gloomy and dark. Yeah I know it sounds pathetic but so what! Who the fuck cares. It's my blog. I write what I feel, I feel what I write. I don't need to care for whoevers feelings.

Man, my blog seems depressing. It makes me wanna laugh. Haahaa!

Yey. Five cheers for samantha. I'm touching on books already. Better I'm mugging hard. Haha. Finals are just around the corner and I don't plan to waste my fucking time online. But the internet is just so inviting. I admit sometimes I go online like a computer freak. And If you know me well, you should know I stone alot. (you know i'm lazy too!) I don't want to bother with all these online shit for some while. Like Friendster, Myspace, Livejournal and this blog especially.

Go visit my other pages you'll definitely get this dead aura in them. Because It's not nice at all. I find all of my stuffs are so..so.. dispiriting. Jesus. Don't get me wrong okay. I don't intend to switch blog or something, it's stupid to move from here to there so quick. Anyway, I would appreciate suggestions on my depressing blog. Honest opinions please bitches. You'll make me smileeee.

This is what I do almost everyday. Wake up. Eat. Online. Sleep. Read. Stone. Dream. Talk. Repeat again.

You see how boring my life is. Ahhhh this life is killing me. The feeling is worst. It stabs through my beating heart making it bleed. :(

Nothing much today. No tuition. That's why I got the time to blog. Bored like a hoe. Calming my mind by listening to Marilyn Manson. Emo guys are cute, or maybe you label them as hot. Their hair eats the face whole.

I found this picture when arranging my folders in the computer. It reminds me of many sweet memories long time ago. But it doesn't last forever. It never chooses to stay with me. And by the way, happy birthday Peiyi. To be exact it's tomorrow. Lol anyways you know I love you.

xoxxo

I like books better than boys.

2007-09-30T13:22:00.000-07:00

I lost my angel. I know you stole it away from me.

Today has been more or less dull and lifeless. After church with family then stayed at home on the chair and infront of the computer screen. My life has nothing exciting in it. I claim to be world's most boring life winner. :/ Sometimes I wish to be lovers with you like on silver screens. We'll make happy endings and wonderful lifetimes.

But it's all just the opposite of reality, agree?

I went to The Gardens which is a new shopping centre next to Mid Valley yesterday. Woohooo. It was awesome atmostphere. Many unfamiliar shop faces are seen there but it looks pretty okay to me. The clothes and stuff and all. Prices can cost a bomb if you don't go notice it, haahaa! It was all last minute decision to go there because mom was being such a pleasure in her fucking attitude.

So yeah, had helluva fun. But I guess I could stay a little more longer so I can meet Jon. He said he was there around that time. Ahh screw it, I didn't catch his sight.

I'm currently listening to "All Good Things" by Count The Stars. Darling, all the best and wonderful things are gone and the bad things are just coming along. I have this stupid song stuck in my head. I can't explain what made me fell in love with someone like you, I think I'm falling for sadness, like you've never cared for me, and I know good things would not happen to me, it's just you are you and I am me.

"I must confess, I'm not impressed, there's nothing worse than losing you, I must confess, I'm not the same like all good things."

rawwwrr

2007-09-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

Hello hello. It's been awhile since I'm starting on with this fucking blog. But I don't think there's anyone who reads my blog frequently so yeah, what the fuck ever. I will not post most of my stuffs here so just make do with it alright. Because I like to keep secrets to myself.

I wanna warn those bitches not to do anything stupid please. It does not benefit you in any ways. So just keep your clicks off my blog if your evil intentions try to aggravate you.

Hooooookay, Imma going off now. Need to meet my friends in town. Life's been chilly. :) I've been missing you quite terribly, side effect lover.